From What To Do
And then sometimes he went only within. He didn’t go outside, he went inside and maybe you have to have been there, you have to have gone into a darkness within, if you have spent some time there you know that when you visit there, even briefly, something can happen. It’s not a well understood place and it’s not well lit, the overwhelming sense of futility and pain and helplessness, this least understood part of the most private world of especially sensitive people, you understand that to have been there you might not come back so easily.
You may not come back at all.
Sometimes even with help, family, friends, a community, you may not touch that darkness, sometimes it is something that cannot be penetrated and not easily dissipated and you understand that but that’s the way it is. It happens.
And for those of us who do understand, we have to start telling people what it’s like, help other people understand, let everyone know so we can treat each other with kindness, above all, kindness and gentleness and understanding and respect and without judgment, without judgment for these problems, and be easy on ourselves for not knowing for not having known for having done this or not done that, we have to treat ourselves with kindness and with mercy because it’s right and we need to heal. And we will only heal with mercy.
My wife Susan Talve and I have organized a series we call Shanda: There is None. We are devoted to lifting the shame curtain that surrounds these under-discussed subjects. All are meetings are open meetings, each one a series of teachings and talk. I wrote a pledge and I took it:
1) I pledge to bring someone in. If I light a candle, I will share the light.
2) I will be a reminder in every way I can to my family, friends, and community: we have these problems, they are difficult, but there is no shame attached to them. There is no one outside who cannot be brought within.
3) We can live with our problems.
4) I pledge to break the *shanda* barrier, which means:
5) Talk, talk, and more talk.
6) I pledge to remind my community that we are working our problems, that being secret may be part of the problem, therefore:
7) I will not practice aloneness. I will talk with somebody. I will pick up the phone.
*Shanda* means shame. There is none.
I’ve been using this pledge at all our sessions. It’s not sloganeering; it’s a raising of the curtain that hides our shame. Our shame is deadly when it keeps us from asking for help. The more we lift that curtain the more likely our most vulnerable ones will find their way to some help and relief.
Let’s get to work. Tell your leadership and your intimates and your trust-worthies that we are suffering and we need to crack our best effort to split the darkness. We need to be a community.
I think it’s the next frontier: the inner world when it goes dark.