There is a fearfulness associated with Being. I feel it. If I replaced fear with love then my sins would be transformed into Merits. They would work for me (my sins). After all, my sins are lucky to have me; my devotion to them is strong.
The spiritual work: big floppy hands moving the past deeds around, only G*d subverts Time this way.
From one person to another: You can’t hurt me, I am not renting space in my life to do that.
So I will keep a tally, jot down a little chart: those who have forgiven me, those who have not forgiven me, those who don’t know what I am talking about and — those who think I am nuts.