O holy Shabbat Toldot
If so why
me [Genesis 25:22]
it hurts too much for complete sentences
two worlds struggling within her
one world actually
one world split in two.
We’re working on bringing them back together
been working on it for the last
three, four thousand years.
She goes to inquire of God
this is the second most important word in the Torah
lidrosh – to inquire [25:22]
fill in the spaces
the white fire.
Rashi says she goes to inquire
at the beit ha-midrash
the study hall of Shem and Ever
quoting the Targum Yonatan.
She goes to the study center
where she finds you over a text
we are all in the beit midrash
the house of explication
all the time.
Rebecca steps out of the story
and finds the future
she walks through a mirror
to enter the inquiry of students
she comes to the Beit Midrash
where we are all sitting.
It’s her request that is so difficult.
She is asking for some significance to her suffering
Im zeh lamah zeh anokhi —
if this why this . . . I . . .
She gets what she asks for — a larger me.
Her story expands — two nations are struggling within you [25:23]
we howl at her
she gets what she asks for, a context for her suffering.
She gets context in the beit midrash
forever we will associate suffering
Rebecca steps out of her own story joins ours.
Our circle is oracular and redemptive.
Why? Because it teaches meaning.
The response to suffering becomes learning
suffering is an inadvertent teacher.
And these are the generations of Isaac Abraham’s son,
Abraham fathered Isaac. [Gen. 35:19]
Isaac is Abraham’s son
notice how Isaac authenticates his life –
he is Abraham’s son.
Abraham fathered Isaac
that is how Abraham authenticates his life –
he is the father of Isaac.
The word generations toldot is written half haser (partial).
Was it not enough that each of them
father and son, derived his worth from the other?
When one of them was haser/lacking,
he could fill up with the other.
I love you enough, said Abraham, I love you enough
I give you the gift of my love
when you cannot find it in yourself.
I love you that much.
I love you enough, said Isaac,
to give you the gift of my love
when you cannot find it in yourself
I give it to you
I love you that much.
I told my loved ones –
I love you that much
whatever you cannot find in yourself
you may fill your emptiness
The Commit: O holy Shabbes Inspiration Toldot
*Every Shabbes characterized by maqam cognate to Maqom signifying place
Mahour is used only twice, on Toldot and Balak.
Mahour means disappointed, or angered,
when Esau and Balak are disappointed.
It is a higher pitched form of maqam Rast.